It came to me like an oasis in the dessert: the moment I truly realized I am the master over my feelings. Â I get to choose. Â I have power over whether I am happy, sad, b*tchy, or mad. Â
This light-bulb like moment of clarity is one of the pivotal moments I had in my journey to everyday bliss and ultimate happiness. Â I had heard and read for years that I had this “power.” Â I believed it, but I hadn’t really harnessed it to its full potential.
This oasis came to me in a fit of rage… I was crazy-pissed at my husband for something (something really immaterial in the scheme of things so I won’t even go into what I was upset about). Â
I was so angry I was shaking. Â I was swearing everything around me. And, as I drove home, I was planning all of the horrible things I was going to say to my husband when I saw him to make sure he felt insane guilt. Â
And then I thought to myself, “Is this really how you want to feel right now? These thoughts are not you.  This is not the person you are.”Â
I used everything I knew and did with my clients in my professional world to self-coach myself of out of this craze induced bender. Â
I asked myself:Â
Who are you? Â
I’m a patient mom, smokin’ hot wife who wants success, bliss, and happiness to fill her every moment.
Who do you want to be in this moment? Â
I am happy. Â I feel good. Â I am even looking good – I did just get my hair done, after all… I radiate joy and attract friends and clients who rock my world.
What can you do to change the situation right now?Â
Nothing really. I can do a better preemptive job in the future by clearly communicating with my husband, making plans, and ensuring we are on the same page. Â
As I talked myself through these questions, I already felt better. Â
When you go home will you be pleasant and friendly or will you be craze-induced? Â
I will be beyond friendly. Â I will confuse the living-bejesus out of my husband, but I am sure by this point he is expecting crazy-Amber to return home.Â
When I got home, I was so pleasant and radiated so much peace from the inside out that I my husband thought I was on drugs.
What is the point of all of this? Â
The point – You have a choice. Â
You get to choose how you see the world. Â
You choose how you show up in the world. Â
You choose how you react and how you respond to unexpected challenges. Â
You choose.
Period.
So, do you see flowers or weeds today? Â
P.S> If you want to get closer to your happiness and bliss and get clear on the person you are, I have a handful of spots open in a beta-program (beta = introductory pricing that is a total steal) that is all about discovering and living your gorgeous truth. Â Check it out! And if you have any questions about if it is right for you, reach out! I’m here for you. It will be unlike any online program you’ve ever participated in. Â Â
Amber,
I so need this right now. You just rocked my world.
Glad to hear it!! So glad you are here! xo
Oh Amber, reading your post was as if I was replying a moment in my daily life…LOL
I loved this:
“I’m a patient mom, smokin’ hot wife who wants success, bliss, and happiness to fill her every moment” AND
I will be beyond friendly. I will confuse the living-bejesus out of my husband, but I am sure by this point he is expecting crazy-Amber to return home.
It so true though, we have the power to choose how we react and feel about things, but oh, it so hard to snap out of our anger or frustration, it takes a huge level of awareness. Its so much easier to vent and lash out to the hubby, kids, dog….
I’m going to remember this post the next time I choose the easy route and instead of lashing out to the hubby, I’m going to be sweet yvette let it go and confuse the hell out of my husband 🙂 Thanks great post. Oh, and bravo for being so authentic and real!
Sweet Yvette! I love that. Haha I can almost see his face now! 🙂
I recently wrote a post called 7 Ways To Start Transforming Your Life Right Now (http://www.we-be-healthy.com/start-transforming-your-life-right-now/). Step #5 was choose positive results. I truly believe that if we choose to react to things in a positive way we will be able to attract more positive things to us. Obstacles are put in our path to learn and grow from. No one can make you mad. You choose to be mad as a reaction to something they did. But the key here is that it is your choice. I love this lesson. Thanks for reminding me. 😉
I couldn’t agree more – we get the choice. It is such a freeing concept (and sometimes I forget and have to bring myself back too!). 🙂
xo,
Amber
Amber you are amazing! I love everything on here. You are true inspiration. I am absolutely amazed. Good for you and everything you accomplish. You are a gorgeous woman. God bless.
You are way too sweet! Thank you dear. Come back and visit any time! 🙂
Isn’t that cool?! If we’re willing to take a different path, other than the energetically-paved one given an emotional state, the payoff is relief. For us, those around us and the vibe we out beyond that. It’s easy to think we deserve to be pissed off, or whatever and not reach for a different option and really takes guts with a sprinkle of awareness to pave a new direction. Lovely reminder and congrats on walking a new path 🙂
Amber… thank YOU so much for the clarity and simplicity of your questions which help to tether the monkey mind to the power of choice that we in fact DO have in any given moment… especially in our relationships and how we choose to express ourselves. This is such an ART! To keeping our relationships infused with love and integrity so that they do not dip down into conflict and derogatory engagements which tear at the very fabric of what is authentic… our deep love for the other.
The key for me is having practices which allow me to explore my shadows, the angers and resentments, depression or other states which are sourced from my deeper wounds and exiled self. When I work with those energies in a contained environment with skilled practitioners…. or with myself, I am able to keep those energies off those I love, while healing and integrating shadows.
I am going to print these questions out and memorize them so that they become mantras in which to tether to. Thank you so much!
Amen sister! Such a great post. I have to remind myself of this everyday. I think I will write up a sticky note and put on my computer and maybe above the kitchen sink, car steering wheel, how I want to feel with those “I am” statements. Following the drama and lashing out because we are feeling resentful never gets us anywhere, right? Follow the negative thoughts, you just get more of it. I loved your images of the tire rolling down the stairs (how did you do that??!!) and the pizza flying all around the house, btw! It gave me such a big smile this morning.
Big smiles Amber! I tend to go on one of these benders about once each month, and always around the same time. 😉 I’ll follow your advice next time around and see if I can talk myself out of a crappy mood!
This is such great advice – especially since we recently had a death in the family and my house is going through some severe ups and downs. It’s so easy to forget to be gentle with one another, especially when you’re consumed with negative feelings. These are great action steps – and very timely. Thanks!
I had a day just like this last week – a day that was out of character for me, really. Having emotional overreactions to small things. Wondering where the heck the frustration was coming from…and then deciding that enough was enough. That I had a choice in how I was (over)reacting. I love the questions you use – that is a great way to snap the emotional diva into place:: get all logical and analytical. It’s hard to be pouty and put-out when it flies in the face of who you want to be 🙂
Jennifer Peek
Find Your New Groove
Left-Brained Strategy for Right-Brained Businesses
Wow! Great post, Amber! I get this way from time to time, usually over something completely asinine that one of my clients has done. I hate it, because it completely ruins my day. Next time, I’m gonna use your questions to see if I can’t coach myself out of it.
Oh my god, Amber. LOVE this. I could have written it (almost.)
I find myself seething with rage sometimes and when I talk myself down and get to the root of it — AND respond to my other half in a way I feel good about and he feels good about, the positive effect it has on our relationship is immense.
I love that you’ve been so open about your experiences here!
I love hearing you say you could have wrote it – that makes me smile b/c you’ve got mad writing skills. 🙂
xxxo
hello,my friend,how are you
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